August 05, 2012


Sometimes I feel like I'm a turmoil of emotions and don't know how to handle them. Does that ever happen to you, too? When I don't feel that great, I usually get so caught up in the negative feelings (mostly frustration) that I can't seem to see the good, positive attributes around me. Something that I learned from my mom is that you need to tackle the negative things as they come; not sure it's such a great piece of advice, but that's the way she handled the vicissitudes that came across her path. So when she was faced with a setback, she sort of just charged and dealt with it. And I think I picked up that attitude.

Things here, though, are very different. I feel as if time had come to a complete halt. I see things moving, seasons changing, kids growing, but nothing changes in me. I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be in (feeling-wise, I'm happy to be in California with David). I'm unable to make decisions, to get out of this state of numbness, stillness and frustration. It's never the right time to take action because I'm living in a unreal, still world where nothing involving me ever changes. Does it make sense?  

This is too long of an intro just to explain that this is a summary of my week feeling-wise. I'll try to focus on the positive. And don't get me wrong, I always feel grateful and lucky to have been able to move to be with my better half :); I just feel frustrated to fail to accomplish the little goals that I could actually be meeting.

Flattered. I'm extremely flattered and happy to have received this surprise from Seel! :D I can't believe she took the time to draw me! It made me feel special. I love this picture and I'm going to make it my new profile pic :p. In case you don't understand the reference: Shower your love is my main e-mail address (After a Kula Shaker song). Gracias, Seel! :D

Accomplished. After 20 long years (20 years!!!), I plucked up the courage, put on my bathing suit and swam in one of the pools in our complex. I used to love swimming, but once I grew up, I became too aware of my physical flaws and just couldn't bear the feeling of being so exposed in front of people. I recently decided it was high time to get over that fear and just did it; and let me tell you something, it felt amazing! I had a blast and swam, swam, swam :). It might sound like a very silly and unimportant event, but to me, this is a milestone, haha.

Discouraged. I always feel discouraged when I know I have to go to a gathering where I'll be surrounded by people I don't really have anything in common with. It makes me lonely and miss my friends more. I never feel lonely when I'm alone, but I do tremendously when I need to socialize with people I don't get along with. Weird.

Relieved. I got the shoes and bag I'd ordered last week and everything fits perfectly :). I particularly love the colorful pair of shoes and the bag; the black wedges are a bit too high for me, so I'll have to train my feet not to fall when wearing them.

Happy and lucky. Every time I open my mailbox and I see a bunch of letters addressed to me I instantly get happy. I am so lucky to have met so many awesome people thanks to this little blog! :D Thank you for being there!

Hopeful. We're putting money aside for a short trip on Thanksgiving week. I won't say the destination not to jinx it, but it's a place both David and I have always wanted to visit :). Fingers crossed!

So,how  have you all been feeling lately?

Hope we all have a wonderful week! Let's start it with the best vibe, shall we? ;)


seelvana said...

oh Miki! Qué pena que te sientas estancada o anestesiada, creo que la mejor manera de salir de ese estado es hacer una gran limpieza en el hogar y ponerte tareas pequeñas. Inventar un proyecto, ayudar a alguien con el suyo. Hacer pequeñas cosas que te hagan sentir útil te va a sumar alegrías cada día y vas a ver que hace una diferencia!
Lo de nadar es un golazo! Hace poco convencía a una amiga que la natación poco tiene que ver con los complejos, porque estás 30 segundos fuera del agua, una vez ya dentro del agua los complejos no tienen espacio, hay que moverse rápido y si hay defectos no se notarán! Te lo digo yo, que creo que mi celulitis no se ve JAJAJAJA!

Sobre ir a reuniones con gente que no te gusta no tengo nada que decir, tengo la suerte de ser habitualmente anfitriona y siempre de gente que quiero ver :( aunque algo parecido a lo tuyo me pasa en el trabajo! JAJAJJAa

Feliz estreno con esos zapatotes! te piso la puntita virtualmente desde acá ;)

Buen comienzo de semana, sayonara!
Y buen viaje! Después contá!

seelvana said...

el link que lleva a la canción de tu mail se ve que pertenece a una playlist, cuando terminó pasó un tema de la banda sonora de Slumdog millionaire y ahora está éste gatito bebé que sueña!!!

Me lo quedo viendo JAJAJJA!

Bubbles said...

The first paragraph you wrote, is exactly how I feel but could never think of the right words for it.

At 20 I imagined so much to happen in my life, 10 years later hardly anything has changed, about 2 years ago it felt like I'd woken from a dream that I'd been trapped in. I wanted to make the changes but thought I'd wait until I have a house. That hasn't happened so I'm now going to just go ahead and do it because the clock is ticking away and I have so many regrets because of it.

Anyway you didn't want a monologue of my problems. I hope that dream holiday works out :)

eli said...

Miki linda, fijate que de todos los estados que detallaste, la mayoría son buenas cosas :)
La sugerencia de Seel está muy bien, en algún pequeño proyecto quizás aparezca eso que necesitás...y no dudo que tendrías toda la polenta para sacarlo adelante. Tal vez hasta aparezca sin buscarlo.
Te deseo sueeeerte con esas plataformas, ou em yiiii! jajaja!

Katrin said...

Oh wow...the first two paragraphs was like reading my thoughts.
It's not always easy to focus on the positive. I try to but feel like I will never succeed.
It is so awesome that you went swimming! I can imagine how hard that was!
I am crossing my fingers for your trip dear! Hugs!

Jenna (SewSavoirFaire) said...

Hey Ms. Miki...
I know how you feel...I'm sure it's not exactly how you feel but I know "generally" how you feel.
Today and usually every other day I go through serious funks. Today it felt like nothing was good. Even though there is plenty that is good. The fiance and I were arguing what seemed like all day. My house is a mess but I have no desire to clean it. I feel frustrated that I need to work out but I have no desire to do so AND I had an awful diabetic mess up yesterday due to me not paying attention and it's thrown me out of whack all weekend. AND I feel like I'm already getting cold feet when it comes to getting married. I've always been a very independent person so to get married scares the hell out of me.

Sorry to type so in feelings are so wishy washy every day of the week. Blah.

Also...congratulations on the big swim! I own three bathing suits that I've bought just in case I swim but I haven't in...god I don't even know how many years. I'm so happy for you and I bet it felt amazing to get in the water!

Those shoes are TOO cute and the drawing is absolutely adorable. :)

If you ever want to chat about anything send me an email OR you can send me a text...we have awful cell service so we rely on texts! (granted you don't have my number...but I if you want it let me know!)


Kirsten said...

Everytime you do a post like this I feel like we're more and more similar. I know all the feelings you're talking about. I feel the exact same way more than I'd like to. I shut down in situations where I feel overwhelmed. I STILL haven't gone in my apartment complexes' pool! I just started getting over wearing tank tops in public. I think most girls have issues with their bodies, no matter what they look like.

I'm glad you included positive things about yourself! I was full-prepared to give you a list of what I see - when I've never even met you! I think you're the most genuinely caring person ever! I've never had someone check in on me when I hadn't posted on my blog in awhile. When you first started commenting on my blog I was happy to have such an upbeat and caring reader that I specifically told my boyfriend about you!

I hope you take all these positive comments to heart and realize you mean a lot to a lot of people who don't even know you that well! And that's so awesome.

Have an amazing day, Miki!

Katie said...

"Sometimes I feel like I'm a turmoil of emotions and don't know how to handle them. Does that ever happen to you, too?"

Hi Miki! Omgosh! Yes, it does happen to me. Its been happening lately and just today I started a Live Journal account to write down all my feelings etc. I finished my first post earlier this morning and let me tell you it feels so good. So maybe it could help you, too. :) Make a private journal where you can write down everything.. sometimes when we "let it all out" in writing it is like detoxing all the negative emotions that have built up inside of us. ... I hope I could help somewhat.:) OH! And I recently became a follower (stalker, lol) of your blog! I read a lot of your entries but did not have the time to comment until now. I love your blog and I was happy to see you, over at mine :) Thank you for your sweet comments, too! One thing I love about your blog is that you are so real! A lot of people can relate to what you write, including myself, and we are easily able to identify with the same feelings or thoughts. So I really like your blog! And the pictures are kool too. I will be an avid stalker. LOL

xoxo Katie

Brittany LeSueur said...

So fun! WE have also been planning on a fun trip for the beginning of October, but I haven't disclosed that because I am really hoping it all goes well also!! Can't wait to find out!

Bethany Kellen of bunnypicnic said...

feelings are kind of the worst. sometimes it helps to get them out there. you can always email me! i know i've been a terrible blog friend to you (when you've been nothing but lovely to me!) but i hope you feel better soon.

and congrats on the bathing suit and swimming! i recently bought a suit and have yet to use it, but i'm anticipating the day!

Dorothy Explor'r said...

aw, i LOVE that caricature :) you should feel flattered!

and i just wanted to come by and say YES! i did get your letter..! i swore i told you in one of my comments... but i also wanted to let you know, yours will be coming! i'm still working on gathering some items from the midwest that i hope you will enjoy! ;D


Burkha said...

Miki! holaaa! al fin puedo escribirte! quería llegar a mi compu para escribirte tranquila.
primero que nada gracias gracias gracias por los comentarios tan lindos que me hiciste en el blog!
2do, con respecto a este post, te felicito por haberte sacado los complejos, y haberte metido a la pileta! a mi tb me costo por un tiempo, pero ya no me importa en absoluto!!!! no es que piense q soy una diosa, pero ya acepte mi cuerpo como es, y no me molesta que me vean...esta ahí, se va a ver igualmente!
otra cosa, gracias por el dato de la web de zapatos! obvio que ya estoy entrando a revisar! ajaja. y gracias también por lo de los jugos de mojitoo! q rico! muero por probarlo. pero no te quiero poner en gasto ni en esfuerzo. donde lo conseguiste? capaz pueda acercarme a comprarlo.

y por ultimo con respecto a lo que me preguntabas sobre el bar, te cuento... queda en Los Cardales, conoces? cerca de Pilar. te dejo el link al grupo de FB y a la fan page, por si te interesa.

besos!! ojala que algún día puedas visitarnos! en primavera esta mas lindo ;)

Suki said...

I love the way you always make your posts - whatever their theme - so personal and readable with your magical use of lists!

I think we all have phases where we feel stuck in an emotional rut and it can be really hard to get out. But then you do something awesome like overcoming your fears and going for a swim (I cannot for the life of me work out what these phsycial flaws you speak of are - I have never seen them in any photographs of you!)... and it's a sign that actually you ARE moving and changing all the time. Sometimes it's just hard to see because it's too close up, but the evolution is there all the same.

And I totally know what you mean about feeling lonely in a crowd. I feel lonely and uncomfortable in those situations too.

lisa said...

Sending you big hugs, my friend! You are such a great person and quite loved- look at all the wonderful mail you get! People don't just do that for anyone these days :) I love that drawing, what a special gift! I realllly hope you get to go on your Thanksgiving trip... ;)

hello bunnies said...

Miki! I feel like I understand your emotions so well! I too feel really lonely in social situations where I do not relate to others in the group. Its isolating. I also feel super self conscious about being in a bathing suit - good for you for having the courage to finally do it! And the time stopping, i can totally understand. I feel that way from time to time. I've been going through a lot of up and down emotions lately and it is very hard to always see the bright side of things. Sometimes I wonder how people do it because there are times when I feel completely paralyzed w/ my emotions - like there's nothing I can do to feel any different. It's not a good feeling. but with time, and sometimes action, i come out of it and feeling like myself again.

Maria said...

Hi Miki!!
I can't thank you enough for your very sweet comments on my blog the other day! They truly made me smile and brightened my day!
I love your blog and I loved this post!
Your header is so cute and of course, caught my eye with the cute kitties. (I am a bit of a crazy cat lady!)
I think your mom gave you great advice! :)
It is so tough sometimes when things are so trying, to stop and see the good. I think it feels so good to be able to write it all out. Blogging has been such therapy for me.
Awesome that you went for it and let go and felt free in the pool! :)
I wish you a wonderful weekend and thank you for your kindness!

Lalav said...

I've just almost said the same on my other comment, but I want to drop you a supporting line.. there is no specific reason why, but your blog is so passionate, brilliantly written, full of interests that I really can't think its author is feeling so low at the moment!
I know it's always easier to show on the outside what we want people to see than to truly feel how we'd like to feel inside, but I guess we are made of both our inside&outside parts.. so somewhere inside you, you must still be as lively and brilliant as you look from your blog!